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friends friends friends... the biggest issue of my life right now. Whether it's meeting new people and trying to find enough time to hang out with them, or trying to settle down a spat between my two good friends, or just having problems with my old friends myself... it's been way too tiring than it should have been. I guess the one thing I'm most concerned about is my friends drifting away. I realize that university mean a chance to start over for some people, but I'm not one of them, I never wanted to start over, and I really, perhaps naively, expected to keep the friendships that I had all through university.

I don't even know who bothers reading this post, but it makes me feel better if I just pretend people do. But if you know me a little bit, then I guess you probably know as well that I was someone who hardly formed any deep relationships with anyone in highschool. Just 2 or 3 friends, nothing like the way I used to be in jr.high. But just these 2-3 relationships, i thought, were so, so deep. Maybe i overestimated the bonds I had formed with people. in my stupid little, innocent, clueless brain, I was imagining that these friendships would last till the day i died.

It's true, some of my friends have tried to keep in touch, and its very heartwarming, I feel really happy. whether its just making fun of Kwan over msn together with Hirata or something stupid like that, I still feel this overwhelming happiness. I'd randomly go leave a "i love u"! msg on their msn when they were offline.

But there are people who wanted to throw this all away. I never really knew why, in my mind everyone was happy in highschool, I thought my friend would really treasure this friendship forever, i thought that maybe this friend would think about me all the time or atleast as often as i think about them. But now it just seems like I'm the only one who still cares. I'm the one who reads through their blogs to try and catch up with them, who tries to hunt them down on msn to talk to them. I'm the only one who's frusterated with our lack of communication. I know theres other things going on in their life, things like... meeting the love of their lives, struggling for university, etc etc... But atleast don't toss us aside like that. We're old friends through highschool. We're the velvetine rabbits. We were there for eachother when needed to be and we will be even if theres miles of distances between us.

I just really miss you guys... and sometimes it's really sad for me when I realize that some friends might not really care. T_T

Life's difficult isn't it? haha..